[00:00:00] If you want to attract premium clients, protect your time, and finally get paid for what you're worth, this episode might be the one that changes everything. Because what most entrepreneurs don't realize until they're deep in the burnout cycle, you have a kindness problem. You're giving too much, too often, too many people who were never meant to have that level of access to you, and instead of building trust.
That overgiving is actually diluting your authority. It's burning through your energy and it's quietly killing your business. I see this all the time, especially with women entrepreneurs who have huge hearts and powerful gifts. They pour into everyone. They answer every message they overdeliver, hoping someone will finally notice how much they care. But behind the scenes, they're exhausted, underpaid, and stuck in a cycle of proving themselves to people who were never the right clients to begin with. And maybe that's where you are right now. You're showing up, [00:01:00] you're being kind, you're giving your best, but somehow it's not translating into the income or impact, you know, you're capable of. And just so you know, that was me for a really long time. So this episode I'm going to share with you what's actually going on and how to shift it fast because I had to learn it all myself. We are going to talk about why over giving repels premium clients, how to know when your kindness has turned into a business liability and what to do instead. So your generosity becomes the very thing that attracts clients, builds trust, and leads to effortless sales.
And I want to start with a moment that changed how I showed up forever. There was a woman in my audience who had been quietly watching for months. She never really commented, never reached out, just hovered in the background like so many do. One day I saw something she shared and I had this gut feeling a quick nudge to send her voice note.
No pitch, no strategy, just one insight that I felt could really help [00:02:00] her. It took me 20 seconds. She messaged me back instantly and said, this blew me away. Three weeks later, she was a $15,000 client. No sales call, no funnel, no pressure. Just one moment of intentional generosity delivered with clarity and grounded leadership energy.
And that's when I realized it's not about doing more. It's about doing what actually moves people. So if you're tired of giving your energy to everyone and getting nothing back, this episode is your turning point. Not because I'm going to teach you to be less generous. No, that's not it at all, but because I'm going to teach you to be generous in the way that allows your business to grow.
Okay, let's dive in.
Intro: I am Christina Koki, your post of the Effortless Closing Podcast. Born and raised in Silicon Valley. Now bringing the wisdom, wit, and well-oiled business strategies from my new hometown just outside of Nashville, where the pace is slower, but the [00:03:00] revenue still runs high. With over two decades building businesses, some wildly successful others can gloriously messy.
Every step has been fueled by a love of real strategy and real results. This isn't about side gigs, and it's definitely not about hustle culture. This is about optimization and building revenue, generating machines designed to make your life and your business feel effortless. After $92 million in sales of the last eight years while raising four little ones and building it all as a.
Wholepreneur. I've created systems that scale and a business that supports my life, not steals from it. From summers in Europe to road trips across the United States, being present with my family is the greatest win. And everything I've learned to make that possible is now inside the effortless closing method.
The framework behind this podcast, and here's the best part, you can build the same kind of business, the kind that funds your lifestyle, honors your values, and. Feels like you. [00:04:00] This show is for the woman who's already doing well, but is ready to simplify the work, amplify her income, and finally build a business that flows with her life.
Every episode brings sharp strategy, honest insights, and real world tools to help you grow your business and enjoy your life in the process. We don't just grow your business, we optimize it to feel effortless. This is the Effortless Closing podcast.
Let's start with the trap of giving it all away, because here's what most entrepreneurs miss. They give everything, including the kitchen sink away because that's exactly what I see happening with women like you. You care deeply. You want to serve your showing up with your best content, your most thoughtful responses, your sharpest advice.
And then some more. You're adding more stacking, more trying to go above and beyond in every post, every email, every dm, I see you and that was me for so long. You're not just [00:05:00] giving value, you're giving your time, your energy, your process, your heart, and somewhere in the mix without even realizing it. You started a giving away.
Your power, you do it because you think you have to, or maybe you want to because you think it will help, because that's what everyone online is shouting at you to do. Right? Serve more, deliver more value.
Show up with your best content every day. And underneath that, there's this quiet voice whispering. Maybe if I give them enough, they'll finally say, yes, I get it. I've done it too. There's a moment when giving feels like connection. Then it starts to feel like chasing, like your business is running you instead of the other way around.
And what's tricky is that it looks like generosity. On the surface, it feels like service. It even feels good. Like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Don't get me wrong, I love helping and maybe one of you got one of my messages. I always try to help. But here's the thing. [00:06:00] Underneath all that, what's really happening is something far more dangerous.
So we need to really be aware of this. You are giving from a place of proving, and I say that with love because like I said, I've been there. I remember one of my coaches gently calling me out on this. Now, I have had coaches for so long, but in this moment when this coach did this, it was so hard for me.
It was like a slap in the face she said. You are not just being generous. You're trying to prove your value, and then you immediately push back. No way. I thought, I'm just kind. I have a big heart. I generally want to help people. But after we dug in and got deeper, went into a lot of mindset work, identity layers were, oh, they were so deep, and the subconscious drivers, it hit me.
Dang it. She was right at a deeper level without realizing it. I was trying to prove something, prove that I was good enough, prove that I was helpful enough, prove that I was worth being [00:07:00] paid attention to respected, invested in. And once I saw that. I could not unsee it. You're trying to earn trust by over-delivery.
You're trying to earn respect by giving too much away or earn sales by exhausting yourself into being worthy. But the truth is, when your giving comes from a place of needing to be validated, it doesn't create connection. It creates pressure and pressure repels the people you are trying to attract. Your audience might not along. They might like your content. They might even DM you and say, thank you so much for this. But they won't buy because something in the energy fills off. It's not leadership. It's kind of like leakage. They feel the attachment, they sense the over-functioning and they intuitively pull away because no one wants to enter a container that already feels heavy. And I say that with all the love in the world when you over gift. You're actually under leading. You're giving from the part of you that hopes to be [00:08:00] picked, and people don't buy from the person who hopes to be picked.
They buy from the person who already knows they're valuable. Think of it like this. Do you remember elementary school? I wasn't great at basketball back then, but I always wanted to be on the best team. Sounds familiar. I'm still the same person and I knew I wouldn't get picked unless I did something. So I got a little creative and I came up with a strategy.
I'd race out there recess, so I could be the captain. That way I could pick all the best players first. Right. That makes sense. Yeah, for like an 8-year-old, I figured if I got them on my team, once they would remember me, they'd think, oh yeah, Christina picked me. Well, we've played together. I'll pick her next time.
Ugh. But the funny part, it didn't work. It actually felt heavy force and awkward. The energy was off. I felt it. And not only. Did they not pick me? Next time they picked me last. It was [00:09:00] crushing. At that time, I didn't know why. I was just so mad about it. But looking back, I see it now. That energy, the energy of trying to over orchestrate, belonging, it actually repels people even when it's coming from a kind place.
And it's the exact same thing that happens when you overgive your business. You're trying to prove you belong in a secret kind of way, trying to get picked first, right? But when people really feel it, they feel this heaviness underneath it, and that's what pushes them away. So I want you to pause here, and I wanna ask you gently, what have you been giving away that was never meant to be free?
Think about that for a second. Your private process maybe. Your emotional bandwidth, your best thinking in the comment section. Because that matters not just for your business, but for your identity as a leader. You are not here to be drained. You are not here to hustle for validation. You are here to lead, to calibrate, to create magnetic [00:10:00] moments that move people, not overwhelm them.
And that starts when you stop giving everything, including the kitchen sink, and start giving with intention. So we wanna keep giving, but we wanna be very intentional about it. Now we will move into where I'll show you how to reframe your generosity so it doesn't cost you your clarity, your boundaries, or your income.
But first, just let this land a little. You don't need to give it all to be seen. You need to give what moves and let the recipe earned. Let's get into when kindness backfires the hidden cost of overgiving. Okay? I want you to really be clear that we should be giving, but there's a way to do it and a strategy around it, but I wanna talk about what's happening truly when you're overgiving.
So let's talk about the side of generosity no one prepares you for. You start off with the best intentions you wanna serve, to help to feel seen, supported, and valued. I get it. It's all the great [00:11:00] stuff, right? I have the same feelings, and maybe at first it even feels good. You're showing up, you're pouring into your audience, you're answering questions in the dms, you're offering thoughtful advice in Facebook groups, hopping on quick calls, and writing long detailed responses.
That no one ever paid for. Yes, it feels generous and noble. It feels like leadership. But behind the scenes, something starts to shift, and this is a quiet, very, very sneaky shift. Your calendar starts to feel tight. Your creativity starts to dry up your kindness once your greatest strength. Now it feels like a weight and worse, it's not even translating into consistent sales.
That's when the doubt creeps in. You start asking yourself questions you didn't think you'd have to ask, am I doing too much?
Shouldn't all of this effort be converting by now? What more do I need to give for someone to finally say yes? This is the moment when generosity quietly turns [00:12:00] into self-sacrifice. And it's the moment when so many brilliant entrepreneurs, especially women, begin to erode their own leadership without even knowing it.
So let me give you the hard truth. When you give without boundaries, you teach people to undervalue your time. This is so fundamental. I'm gonna repeat it one more time for you. When you give without boundaries. So we need to have boundaries on everything we do for a reason. You teach people to undervalue your time.
They don't respect you. They don't see that your time is valuable. I'm gonna throw this. Really quick example in here for you. Think of it like your kids, right? I have this problem with my four kids. I work from home all the time, so they see me all the time. They always see me working in a way, right? Like I'm always here.
So it's not like I come from an office or I come in. But when I do a lot for them all the time and I'm not putting boundaries on what I'm doing for them and what I'm offering them and how I'm doing stuff, and I'm not very [00:13:00] clear that this is mommy's working hours and this is mommy doing something. They don't value it.
They just are like, oh mom, you can just help me with this, mom. Can't you just help me get dressed? Mom, can't you help me brush my teeth? Mom, just can't you help me? And it came to a point where I was like, whoa, what am I doing? They don't value my time and they don't spend it with me the right way. They use it up as if it's sitting there.
It's an abundant amount. So I have gotten very clear with my kids about my time, and then I say, when we're together, we're together. But when mommy's working, mommy's working, I. Right, and it's rare that I'll work with them. Sometimes there's a project, sometimes there's something going on. I run a couple different businesses, so sometimes something will come up and I have to walk away or I'll have to take a minute to do something.
But I used to have those boundaries set and as the kids got older and I added more kids to the bunch, it got forgotten. So here I am resetting it because when I give without those boundaries, it's teaching them that mommy has so much time, she can do whatever. Instead of saying Mommy's time is very [00:14:00] valuable.
I wanna utilize it to help me in the best way possible. So when you teach people to undervalue your time, they start to unconsciously see you as less valuable, right? It's not because your insights aren't brilliant. It's not because you're not good at what you do, it's because the way you're giving has stripped away that very thing that creates desire, friction.
desire needs space to form. It needs intentionality. It needs leadership boundaries. Okay? But most overgiving is driven by something else entirely. Most time is driven by fear. Fear that you're not enough unless you prove it. Fear that if you say no, they'll move on. Fear that holding back makes you selfish or salesy or unforgettable.
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But what if the opposite was true? What if holding your boundaries is what actually builds your authority? What if protecting your time is what positions you as premium? What if giving less but with more [00:18:00] intention is exactly what creates desire? Because here's what's really happening when you over give your rewarding indecision.
You're giving access to people who haven't earned it. You are training your audience to expect your brilliance for free. Yep, for free. That dynamic doesn't just hurt your income. It chips away at your confidence. It makes you second guess your own worth and over time, it creates a business that feels more like an obligation than a calling.
You start resenting your audience, you start pulling back energetically, even if you're still showing up physically and slowly it becomes a business you no longer want to show up for. I was there and it does, it just feels so heavy that I literally for a while, did not wanna show up in Facebook groups, did not wanna show up on Instagram, did not wanna show up anywhere.
Like I literally did not wanna talk to anybody. I was sharing everything, but I wasn't getting anything back. And it was hard, [00:19:00] but it doesn't have to be that way. There's a way to be generous and grounded to be kind and clear to lead without losing yourself in the process. And it starts with a shift in your identity.
You're not a free advice girl. Okay? Let's be very clear about that. You're not the always available expert because when you're always available, what do people think? They're not successful because they're available, right? You need to put boundaries on your time so people, even if you're not busy, even if you're like, I sit around for eight hours a day and just work on whatever, and I have all this free time.
Nope, you're always busy. You always have to look busy to people on the outside, especially clients, or they're gonna perceive you as not successful because you're always available, right? You have to remember to, you are a business owner. You're a leader. You are a guide. This is important. They have to see you that way and your energy.
It is the currency that runs this all. So before we move into how to give in [00:20:00] a way that creates desire, not dependence, I want to leave you with three small but powerful shifts that will help protect your energy while still allowing your generosity to shine through. One given ways that scale. This one is a huge one.
This is for any entrepreneurs. By the way, all three of these work, no matter if you're a real estate agent, if you're a coach, if you are selling a product, if you're selling a service, these all apply. Okay, so think as I go through them how they can work in your business. So one given ways at scale, instead of answering the same question five times in the dms, turn it into a podcast episode, a story or a post.
Give it once intentionally and let it serve many. This can also be where you do a masterclass and you talk about this question that people keep asking in the masterclass, and you invite people in. You get their ML addresses, you grow your list while you're doing it. If you're in real estate, this can be [00:21:00] a, training that you do right on this particular topic that people keep asking you about.
There's so much opportunity here. But you wanna make sure you can scale in a way that works for you without repeating it time and time again. Two, give clarity, not coaching. There's a difference between offering a spark of insight and solving the whole problem. Your job is to create micro aha moments, not do the work they should be paying you for.
This one's a huge one, and a lot of people struggle with this one a lot, okay? Sometimes I find myself on my free 30 minute calls that I offer. Giving too much and I'm like, Ooh, I gotta pull back because honestly, this is probably you. I get so excited in those calls. Like I love what I do. I love coaching.
I love talking about business. If you don't know me, I am like so business-minded that I love it. I love hearing the problems, the struggles. I love coming up with strategies. I love brainstorming. I love all of that. To me, it's like a game, a puzzle. It's like, how can I fit it [00:22:00] all together? How can I make it work?
But I also have to pull back and I have to say, look, they're not paying me yet. I don't mind giving little nuggets to them because I feel like that's really important no matter what. But I can't give them everything. I can't sit here saying, let's build your niche in 30 minutes and we'll do it all for free.
No, because all that stuff takes time. And if I want them to really get the true clarity that they need, we need that time. We need that dedicated energy, and that really is what I sell. Right, but I'll give you an aha moment. I'll give you something where you walk away going, dang, if she's that good on a free 30 minute call, I just wonder what it's gonna be like to be in her coaching programs.
That's what clarity you want when you are speaking to someone. It's hard to do it, to be honest in a dm. It's hard to do it in a post. I, I wanna be very clear about that because there's a little bit of clarity. But if you wanna run your business and offer a free 30 minute call or a 15 minute call, you gotta give yourself enough time.
I was on a call with somebody who gave five minute [00:23:00] call and I was like, this is joke. This is really is a joke. And she held to that five minutes, by the way. It was like, what questions do you have? I was like, da, da, da. And she was like, okay, da da. Okay, time's up. What do you wanna do? And I was like, uh, I don't like this.
So you gotta give yourself enough time. Hold to it. Sometimes if someone has a lot of questions and they're still really hesitant and I think they're a good fit, I'll give 'em a little bit more than 30 minutes. Right? Or sometimes we're just in a good chat and these are my decisions to make. And I, I know my team tells me I gotta tighten it up more, but I enjoy it.
So I'm okay with it and it's for me. I'll tighten it up as I go. But I'm kind of learning a lot. I'm enjoying them. We're having good discussions. So if you're doing that 30 minute call, make sure. You are reaching a small micro aha moment. You're not giving your whole strategy away. You're not coaching them on everything.
You're not having huge transformations. You just want them to feel heard and understood, and you wanna plant that seed that you can do this on a larger scale. If you've done it in 30 minutes, imagine what you can do in a whole coaching program. Okay? [00:24:00] Three, give from overflow, not depletion. If you're already tired, already stretched thin, already holding more than you should.
That's not the time to give your energy is what makes your wisdom magnetic. Don't give it away when you're not grounded. So lemme repeat the three again. One, give in ways that scale. Two, give clarity, not coaching. Three, give from overflow, not depletion. And here's the deepest reframe I want you to hold onto as we move forward.
Strategic generosity, build desire. Unfiltered Generosity builds entitlement. One more time. Strategic generosity builds desire. Unfiltered. Generosity builds entitlement. If you're here to build a business that feels effortless, abundant, and deeply aligned, then you can't afford to keep giving in ways that cost your clarity.
The good news, this doesn't require a full [00:25:00] reinvention. Just a new lens, a sharper filter, a deeper understanding of how and when to give, and that's exactly what we're diving into. Next, let's talk about how to give in a way that positions you as a leader and converts with ease, giving with intention. Not for validation.
Here's what I want you to know. You don't have to stop being generous. You just have to be intentional. Okay? We talked about that in the beginning. It's really important. Generosity when it's rooted in confidence and clarity becomes one of the most powerful tools you can have. It builds trust. It sparks desire. It pre-sells your offers before you ever pitch, which is what I'm all about. But when it comes from fear, when you're giving to be liked, chosen, or validated, it loses all its power.
It just really becomes noise. And noise doesn't sell to anyone. So how do we shift that? Well, we need to stop giving for approval and start giving for alignment. This is the difference between constantly [00:26:00] showing up. Out of obligation and giving in a way that draws the right people in.
So let me show you how I think about giving now, because this shift, this one recalibration changed everything for me. Whenever I give, whether it's a podcast, a post, a DM reply, a voice note in-person meetings, can I still do those? Whatever it is, I ask myself three things. One. Is this giving from insight or information?
Information is everywhere. It's Googleable. Let's see if I could say that word. Googleable. I love that word, but it is hard for me to say it's forgettable, but insight. Insight sticks. It shifts something. It opens a loop. your most magnetic moments will come when you say something that makes your audience pause and whisper.
I've never thought about it like that before. That is huge. That's what Insight does. It's not louder, it's sharper. Think of it like dropping a pebble in still water. The [00:27:00] ripple goes farther because it starts from the depth. If your content isn't creating those ripples, you're giving from the wrong place.
Two, is this giving from pressure or presence? Here's a gut check. Are you giving because you feel like you should because the algorithm expects it. Don't be shy if that's what it is, because we all are looking at that algorithm because you're scared people will forget if you don't post today. That's true, right?
That's something we all think about. That's pressure. And pressure is where your power starts to leak, but presence. Presence changes everything. Presence is when you show up, grounded, clear, trusting. You're not trying to get something. You are simply offering something that's true.
Your audience can feel the difference immediately. They lean in when it's presence. They scroll past. When it feels like pressure, keep that in mind. Number three, is this giving from leadership or [00:28:00] longing? This one's the deepest cut and it's the biggest shift. Leadership giving says, here's what I believe.
Here's what I see for you. Here's how I can help. If you're ready, longing, giving says, please see me. Please like me. Please pick me. One is magnetic, the other is exhausting. Leadership giving isn't about giving more. It's about giving the vision. You don't need to convince anyone, you don't need to chase you, lead you, offer you trust, and the right people step forward every time.
So if you've been stuck in over giving, if your content is feeling heavy, if you've been wondering why people love what you share, but still don't buy. This is a shift you're looking for. Start filtering your generosity through these three questions. Is it rooted in insight? Is it coming from presence?
Is it led by leadership? Because when it is, you no longer have to warm up your audience. You no longer have to prove your worth. You no longer [00:29:00] feel drained after every post or launch. You start to attract people who want to be led, people who are ready to pay.
People who see your value because you see it first. And this is a new model of giving. It's not about being less kind, it's about being more powerful with your kindness.
You are no longer giving to get, you are giving to lead, to calibrate, to call to the right clients while staying rooted in your own energy. So now let's bring this all home. As we wrap up today's episode around the idea of giving before receiving. I want to leave you with this.
This isn't just about marketing. It's not just content strategy or sales psychology. It's about identity. It's about becoming the leader you dream. Clients are already searching for. It's about healing the part of you that's been trying to earn your way into belonging by doing more, giving more, being more, and maybe like me, you didn't even realize that some of your most generous moments are actually attempts to be [00:30:00] chosen, and that's okay.
Right. We all have to learn, and I've learned a lot through it, and I wanna help you see it Early on, I found that I grow the most as a person, as a creator, as a business owner, when these quiet realizations come up versus the big, oh my God moments. So take 'em and honor them. And use them so we can start getting better.
There's something to honor with it all because now you see it and when you see it, you can shift it, which is so fun to do. It's hard at first. It's scary. You're like, I see this. Now what do I do? We are gonna just break it down and make small shifts like we did in today's episode. You don't have to stop being kind.
Please don't. We need more of you out there. Okay. But you do need to start honoring your time, your energy, and the leadership at the same level, you honor your audience. Because leadership isn't about over-delivering. It's about alignment, and that's exactly what I built inside Effortless Closing Machine.
ECM Foundations, [00:31:00] the core system that helps you close more sales, attracts high value clients, and structure your business so you're no longer chasing or giving away every secret to people who are never meant. To get 'em in the first place. This is the exact system I use in my other business, one that has helped me close over $92 million in sales over the past.
Eight years while working just 15 hours a week in that business. It's also the system I'm using now to grow my coaching business rapidly, even as I work on dialing in how I allocate my time. And yes, we're in growth mode, so I'm working more hours than I eventually want to, but even now I'm still working less than 30 hours a week in my coaching program.
And right now while the doors are open, we're running a special bonus for new enrollments. The first handful of clients who join ECM Foundations, I'm offering a free 60 minute jumpstart call where we can dial in your niche and your ideal clients fast. So once you're inside the course, you can go ahead and start moving ahead quickly.
It's a limited time offer [00:32:00] with limited spots, so if this spoke to you, don't wait. You can enroll directly using the link in the show notes below. Or book a call with me if you wanna see if this is the right fit for you. And if this episode stirred something in you, if you realize it is time to recalibrate the way you give and start receiving more in return.
This might just be your next move. Head to the show notes for all the information or DM me at Instagram with the word foundations and I'll send you everything you need to know. No pressure, no push. Just one aligned next step. If this conversation woke something up in you, because this isn't just about strategy.
It's about finally building the kind of business that feels the way you thought it would feel when you started. So until next time, keep giving with intention. Keep leading with your truth. And remember, you are the foundation of your business. Let's make it one worth standing on. And if you have not joined us on our YouTube channel, the link will be in the show notes below.
Make sure to check it out for short, punchy training content [00:33:00] that you definitely need over on YouTube. Until next episode, thank you for joining me on the Effortless Closing Podcast.
